Butter and Mr. Rooter

What is the appeal? I just found the Rock Star in the kitchen (sitting on the potty-training toilet) with a spoon and the tub of butter spread. I almost threw up just looking at him. What the Hell!? How can that possibly taste good? At least it was the heart-healthy stuff so he won’t go directly into cardiac arrest. Can you imagine what the inside of his mouth feels like right now? HOOOLAAA….HOOOLAAA….(that is the sound of me dry-heaving).

So I called Mr. Rooter yesterday (LOVE THESE GUYS!) to fix two leaky toilets, one with a broken thing-a-ma-gigie. One was legitimate, the other turns out wasn’t leaking but rather the recipient of constant four-year old boy bad aim.

Open: Mr. Rooter (his real name was Pat, but Mr. Rooter is much more fun) on the floor in the bathroom, 2 four year olds running like crazy playing hide-and-seek, Itty Bitty screaming crazy tired and my house looking like the site of nuclear war testing.

Mr. Rooter: Well, it looks like the toilet is fine. No leaks.
Me: But there is constant stinky water puddle between the stool and the bath.
Mr. Rooter: (L-O-N-G technical explanation as to why there is no chance of a leak), so my guess is you have someone with bad aim. *GRIN*
Me: No. That is disgusting. There has to be a leak.
Mr. Rooter: Nope.
Me: Yes.
Mr. Rooter: I can charge you for one if it will make you feel better.
Me: F#*%!
Me: ROCK STAR!!! COME HERE NOW!
Me: Are you peeing on the floor?
Rock Star: Um, well..you know that potty is broken because the toilet paper roll holder is loose. Fixer Guy, will you fix that please?
Me: Ugh.

Now I am just too damn tired to finish this conversation.

It’s Friday, the house is still a mess and I now have an extra floor to scrub and sanitize. For those of you who have that mother/MIL that you complain about coming into your house and taking over the cleaning, laundry and childcare…would you please send her my way? I give up today. I need help.