Eleven months ago I went to my OBGYN for an appointment for some issues, but mostly to discuss the possibility of having another baby. Based on severe damage to my uterus and a previous high-risk pregnancy I was told I would likely never get pregnant again and we needed to schedule a follow-up appointment to discuss a hysterectomy. I came home that day and wrote this:
My Spirit Baby
Today my heart broke for you.
Today I was told I may never hold you.
How is it I miss you so greatly and you do not exist outside my soul?
I know you are there; I feel it my mission to bring you home.
Faith seems to be my only option.
Faith I will hold on to.
Faith will be your vehicle.
Three weeks later I was back at my OBGYN and found out I was pregnant, and had been at the time of my previous appointment but it was just too early to tell. Today, 11 months later, I type this holding little Baby Zen in my arms.
A mama's heart always knows.