Friday, January 29, 2010

Honestly Me

How well are you at being alone? Sitting in a room with no TV, books, cell phone, magazine or other people; just being? Not many years ago this was close impossible for me. Not so much because I couldn’t, as much as I simply never tried. I now love being with the inner me. I can spend hours contemplating my own thoughts and feelings, daydreaming about the future of my family, thinking about ways to reap greater joy and connectedness out of the world around me. However, one of the many things I have learned while taking myself through this process, is how critical it is to be honest with myself. Honest with how I feel about events in my life, people I am connected to, how aligned my practices are with my ideals. When you keep yourself perpetually moving and busy it is easy to lie to yourself. It is easy to ignore not caring for your mind and spirit. When I am still, I have to fully acknowledge my thoughts and behaviors and how they are impacting me, and others. I think this is where most people get hung up with being alone. I know people who are constantly going, doing, moving and/or are always with other people. Personally I find this type of behavior exhausting and I quickly begin to feel like I am drowning. What I find so interesting is these are also people who are hiding from themselves; ignoring and trying to pretend they are not struggling and hurting. When I stop and just sit with myself it forces me to evaluate what is going on inside. It forces me to look at things that are hurting, worrying or intimidating me; I like doing this because I cannot overcome what I do not acknowledge. This statement is of course psychology 101 which makes it all the more fascinating more people don’t acknowledge it themselves.

Give it a shot. Just commit to 30min today to sit in the still and quiet. Think about your day. What you did, what you put in your body, the tone and words you used with others. What made you happy, overwhelmed and what will you repeat tomorrow? Just take the time to really think about what you did and how you lived one day.

Reflect. Breath. Contemplate. Breath.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

A Letter to My Lovies

My Dear Rock Star and Itty Bitty,
I have never been one to write journals, or even do a great job at maintaining your baby books (sorry!) but I do take a million pictures of your beautiful faces everyday and, in part, this blog is for you. A record of my insanity (that’s a joke…), who I am as your mother, my love for you, my love for your father, stories of your little lives and what our family is like in our small part of the universe. There are days as your mother I cry and want to crawl under the bed (for the record today is not one of those days) and hide from you and your crazy antics and incessant wants. But my loves, even on those days I want you to know it is a joy being your mother. I have been given a great many things in my life: family, friends, a career before you were born, your father, but above all I am blessed for I have been given the opportunity to be your mama. As much as I love watching you grow and learn, I will admit some day’s I wish I had the power to stop time and keep you little and in my arms forever. I am proud of your spirits. You are kind, generous and loving little souls – a true gift to your father and I.
Thank you for being who you are; my silly, snuggly, rowdy, curious, needy, independent little loves. You make my heart smile with every breath I take.
Big Hugs and Mushy Kisses,
(***fyi - this post is in green per Rock Star's request as it is his favorite color)

Monday, January 25, 2010

Indulge me, please.

I just finished writing my latest article for my weekly newspaper column on the topic of Grandparents (and the lack-there-of in my kids lives due to death, illness and location) so I guess I am feeling a little weepy over all of my family being so far away. It got me thinking this morning how very lucky I am to know and love-oh so dearly- my cousins. I am the oldest of 13 grandchildren on my mother’s side. I have two siblings which means 10 maternal first cousins. Yes we are breeders. I was thinking how amazing it is that I not only love these kids (we will forever be “the kids”) but actually like them. Of the ten, five have transitioned into adulthood over the last several years. Three of us are married, the rest are still living the fun life.

So indulge me if you will (I know you will as most of my readers consists of these kids parents! Ha)
Check out this great group of kids….

J1 is married and one of the most wonderful men I know. He is kind and compassionate. He loves the outdoors and has one the most inviting personalities I know. I could sit and drink good beer and good coffee with him for hours on end.

J2 is a total stud. I am telling you ladies if I were in my early 20’s (and not related, of course – eeww….) I would be all over him. Loving and giving. Does missionary work and loves the snow. When he was a baby he was known for his hugs. A baby squeeze like nothing you have ever experienced. I am happy to report he is still one of my favorite people to hug.

Beardsley (a name loving smashed on him by his sister as a result of weird looking facial hair). Now this kid is slightly damaged. One too many “pants-ings” at the hands of his sisters and I, being left for an hour or so stranded on a toilet during potty-training days and then there was of course the time I dropped him and his head left a mammoth dent in the wall. (In my defense his head is HUGE!)But in spite of all this torture I am immensely proud of the man he is. He is honest (well…expect for…oh wait, his mom reads this…) and has a work ethic that any employer would love to have on their team. He is crazy funny and says much with very little.

Now for ma-ladies…

NM is without question one of the two funniest people I know, I of course am the other. She is beautiful (and single!) and is a life performer. She lives without limit (just ask the credit card company); life is never wasted on her. I think she is our collective baby. We all want to take care of her and also, want to live a little of her life…it is seriously fun. She, above all others, makes my heart sore with pride of who she is and also makes me want to get on a plane at least once a month to bring her to my home and keep her under house arrest. Did I mention she is FREAKING HILARIOUS!!!!????

Then there is my Godsend. KJF -the Godmother to my children, my therapist, my confidant, my reality check, my friend. This woman I tell anything to without being judged….and receive harsh, but accurate judgment. Advice I trust, input I rely on. I am a better woman because of her. She is smart, articulate and highly driven. She motivates anyone who knows her to push just a little more and to never settle for less than your best self.

So, how absolutely lucky am I? I cannot put into words how much I love being a part of this crazy clan. I am also grateful that even though we are separated by miles and miles, we are able to still stay in touch and all love each other as much as ever. Besides, we have to stick together. We share the blood of crazies….hehe….I am SO going to pay for that one. HA!

(Just the record there are 5 other cousins who are still growing up – and yes they are all fabulous too.)

So all my love to you: J1, J2, J3, KJF, NM, Beardsley, Twins, Mini Me, and baby N.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Costco and Such Things

I drive a Suburban (which by the way I LOVE and will drive til the wheels fall off and then go buy another) and am a pro at parking the beast. I am an all-around excellent driver, but my parking skills are rather exceptional. I have even been known to get my burb into one of those compact spots - although I typically avoid other cars as to not get my purly white paint chipped. So you can imagine my horror when Friday I sat in the Costco parking lot watching some dingbat spend about 3 minutes trying to park her Toyota! Just to be clear, this car was not much bigger than a Hotwheel and it is being parked in a COSTCO slot (for those of you familiar with Costco, you will recall their extremely extra wide parking spaces). Seriously, this chick backed-up and realigned herself about 12 times before she finally got it in. I have absolutely no idea why this irritates me so, but it does. Driving is just one of those things I can’t help but feel like, if you are going to do it you better be good at it. Period. I could go on some more on this topic, but I think I am dangerously close to losing you at this point. Right?

So, on to something else. For the record, I am sad about Conan. He got screwed and I think he is hilarious and would watch him any day over Leno (who I find to be a complete bore).

I am getting dreadfully sick of winter food. I crave fresh fruits and veggies for myself and family. Living here it is impossible to get good organic whole, raw food because nothing is local. Sigh. I will be doing a great deal of canning and freezing this summer, although there still is something so wrong about a diet without fresh leafy greens. Again, sigh.

I am boring myself with these ramblings. Sorry my friends.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

We are officially one being

My children and I have apparently morphed into one being. My son just walked into the room picking his nose. When I gave him that, “dude, what are you doing ?” look, he says to me: “What are you picking?” Huh? I reply, “Nothing! You are picking YOUR nose man!” and he says (totally confused) “What? I thought that was you.” Then he walked out of the room.

…and there is our day.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Hello? Are you really there?

So I get a fair amount of traffic on this site, not tons but enough to know I have a few regular readers. Yet, none of you talk to me! Why? What must I do to solicit a few measly comments from you? I mean I am putting it out there folks, would a little click on the comment button kill you? Yes, this is the Needy – ooohhh I need validation Amy shining through. Oh well. I read a blog that get like a zillion hits a day, in part because she gives away free stuff to people who leave comments she likes. Is that it? Are you holding out on me because you want some free stuff? Hmmm…..

Monday, January 11, 2010

See-ya Potty Mouth

Okay, so I do not believe in New Year’s Resolutions, I do however believe in continuous self-reflection and making changes in my life as my awareness increases. That being said, for all too long I have knowingly and deliberately used offensive, immature and just plain potty language. When I hear others use certain swear words I find it to be incredibly ignorant sounding yet for some reason, lack of self control I suppose, I let the dirty words flow. So, I herby commit to no longer use offensive words. Now, just for clarity, I will more than likely hold onto Shit but all others are as good as gone. I am also going to work on losing my favorite “suck-it” response. I am just getting too old to pull it off anymore.

To read more of my full-on confessional and commitment check out the Pointe Newspaper later this week.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

For the love of PJ's!

The holiday’s always bring many great snuggly things for our family but one of my favorites spending days on end in our PJ’s. This year brought a few extra days because of the snow. It just seems so natural to stay cozy in jammies all day when we are snuggled in with a fire and heaps of snow outside.

But, par for the course for me, I always seem to indulge in a good thing just a bit too much. Last night I needed to do some shopping, so off to the store I trudged. With Rock Star in tow. In his PJ’s. Yes, you heard me right, no need to go back and read again, I let him wear his Thomas the Train Christmas flannel PJ’s to the store. They looked extra special with his snow boots. I found this hilarious because a child out in public in their PJ’s is one of those pre-kids “I will never!” statements I used to make. Today is about 4˚ outside so there is of course again no real need to get dressed. I did offer Rock Star some clothes but he replied, “No thanks. I prefer to just wear my jammies all day.” I had a twinge of guilt and then I thought, life should be enjoyed…why not enjoy the cozy PJ’s while you can. I am also enjoying the added bonus of less laundry.
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