The Damn Dog

So I alluded to The Dog in my last post. Let’s see, where do I start?

I guess at the beginning. I am a sucker for puppies and for making my kids smile. For the Rock Star’s second Christmas we made The Big mistake. We bought a puppy. An expensive puppy. At first (and by first I mean about 3 hours) we loved him. We played, we snuggled, we made life-long promises of homemade salmon and rice, long walks, dog parks, pet-friendly family vacations and family nights snuggled on the couch watching a Disney movie.

Fast forward two years.

Hubs: Did you feed the dog today?
Mommy: No, I have been busy, you fed him last night and it rained this morning. He is fine.
Hubs: That’s it. We are getting rid of this dog.
Rock Star: Yeah! Lets get a new one that we like.

Hubs opens the gate, lets the dog out for a run; a run that ends up straight in the back door.

Rock Star: Mom! The damn dog is the house!
Mommy: Get out! Get out! Get out! If you pee I am going to sell you for scientific research!
Rock Star: That damn dog.
Mommy: Yeah, that damn dog.

Now before you call PETA on me. I take care of the dog. He is fed, kept in a rather large and expensive outdoor kennel with a nice warm doghouse. He gets to run and play whenever the Rock Star is outside playing. But let me be clear:

I. HATE. THIS. DOG.

There is nothing cuddly, clean, sweet or cute about this dog. He lacks any form of a personality whatsoever, he snorts, jumps, eats and chews everything in site and has made my kids cry one too many times. Yes. I know, if I had some consistency of training, took a class…blah, blah, blah. I have two small kids, manage a home and run a business people. And did I mention I hate this little F*er?

So, serious conversations have begun with the hubs about the big give-away. I want to sell him because he has made me so nuts for so long I feel entitled to a few bucks, but alas, I do not think there is anyone in the world stupid enough to pay for this little shit.

Therefore, the hunt for the nice free-range “puppy-farm” begins. You know the one, the place with rolling hills, sunshine everyday, ponds, birds to chase, shade tress for napping and endless dishes of that homemade salmon and rice.