Real vs. Really Real

So this was real conversation with my night nurse last Friday:

Nurse: Hi! How are you?

Me: Good, thanks. You?

Nurse: Great, and we are going to have an awesome night. No bleeding or contractions…right!?!? (BIG grin)

Me: Sounds like a good plan to me.

Nurse: *Goes through the list of medications she will give me every couple of hours.*

Me: Ok.

Nurse: Well, I’ll be back in a bit. You know staying positive in here is key. Just think about that baby of yours!

Me: Yep

Here was the conversation in my head, the one with the REAL Amy;

Nurse: Hi! How are you?

Me: Same as yesterday and the previous 14 days. Read the chart, brainiac.

Nurse: Great, and we are going to have an awesome night. No bleeding or contractions…right!?!? (BIG grin)

Me: Are you a moron? You must have read Joel Olteens book.

Nurse: *Goes through the list of medications she will give me every couple of hours.*

Me: Oh, you mean the same meds I have been given every 3 hours around the clock for the last 14 days!?! Yeah, it would be a good idea for you to stick to that plan.

Nurse: Well, I’ll be back in a bit. You know staying positive in here is key. Just think about that baby of yours!

Me: So you are a moron. Please come closer so I can poke you in the eye.

Just for the record, I spend 16 hours a day staying positive, meditating, visualizing my baby fat and healthy, and breathing deep – you know, the works. Blowing happy fairy dust up my ass only irritates my bowels.

However,

I am going slightly nuts and would be full-blown certifiable if it were not for the care of these nurses. Please don’t stop coming in here and yapping at me…you are my life line. However I am human and really, really have the urge to let loose on somebody.  

So strange to want to hug someone while pinching there neck really hard all at the same time…