Hello?...Anyone still here?
I hope so. I have missed you my little internet world. However, the immediate needs of my family have not provided time, or more pointedly the emotional energy to write.
So five days after my (albeit testy) last post our little Baby Zen was born just shy of 10 weeks early. She came early in the morning after a couple of hours of contractions. Because I had a complete placenta previa (Google it if you need to) this was an extremely dangerous situation for her and I so ended up with an emergency c-section. Someday I will write in more detail about the full experience of my long hospital stay prior to Zens birth as well as the months that have followed with her in the NICU and all the adjustments our family has been through. These things will take time. I still need time to process and time to find the right words for feelings that are so very overwhelming.
However, we are home now. My beautiful family is all together again, with our new little Baby Zen completing the mix. I wake up each morning with all three children snuggled in with the Hubs and I am overwhelmed with gratitude.
So for now I will offer a simple update on our little family.
The hubs has been the rock star of all fathers these last several months. He had managed all of his usual duties of job, home and community while also being primary caregiver. He continues to keep milk in the fridge, bathrooms clean, diapers changed and the children fed. He is amazing, he is my rock, he is my hero. I am so grateful to the universe that of all the chance moments that have taken place in his life and mine that we have ended up parenting our children together; I simply cannot imaging having my kids raised by any other. Rock Star and Itty Bitty are gaga over baby and also busy figuring out the new dynamics of our family. It is interesting to see their need of reassurance that they still have a place, a special place within our family. Baby Zen spends her life nursing. She has almost tripled her birth weight and is doing stellar across the board. The healing powers of mothers milk is amazing and beautiful. I went a bit against the grain with orders for formula supplements and other things believing that my milk was the most pure healing agent she could be given. I am proud I followed my mama-intuition on this one.
The last few months have introduced my spirit to many things I look forward to writing about and exploring further with you. Things like what really is the role of a mother? Being your childs advocate in the medical world that often gives little validation to the organic nature of mother/child. Processing overwhelming guilt as a mother and how do you NOT allow it to smother your children. Accepting help from others… embracing humility. HORMONES! Bio-identicals and other options for natural healing. And my personal favorite, unrelenting anxiety-ugh. Sounds like fun huh? Ok, fun may be a stretch, but if you have read my space long enough, you know my writing will still be peppered with fun little stories of poop, vomit, and all sorts of inappropriateness!
Stay tuned, I have missed you my friends!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
I am a free spirit, growing in my creative desires. I write, read, sew, knit, craft and garden. I am striving to live a more natural life everyday for Mother Earth but mostly for the health and well being of my children. I am above all committed to my family, my hilarious husband and life partner of 15 years makes sure I laugh every day. We cloth diaper, babywear, share sleep, and generally live a child led existence. I am strongly against the idea that children must be socialized but believe vehemently in the idea that children need their parents close and always - until. Until they are ready to leave and explore. Lest you think my life is too tranquil and nothing but sitting and reading books while children play with handmade toys; I spend the better part of my days wiping noses and butts, cooking, cleaning, cooking and cleaning some more, figuring out where that (insert any bizarre item you can think of here) came from, and explaining why Mama needs a TO and nap. Above all, I am human. I fail myself and family everyday and every day I am committed to give tomorrow another shot. Because after all, tomorrow will provide another opportunity to smile and laugh!
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