Things I will be thankful for when I get home from this hospital stint…
1. Not having hands and arms that look like I am a heroin addict who got in a street fight with my pimp.
2. Bathroom ventilation. Let s just say the crap they are pumping in me does not make for a Bath & Body Words smelling moment when it comes out.
3. Never watching TV again.
4. Worrying about keeping my ass covered all night as to not throw an unsuspecting nurse into cardiac arrest at the sight of it.
5. Food that does not come out of a can, chicken that does not taste like tuna fish, potatoes made out of an actual potato, and generally anything that the smell of won’t make me barf in my own mouth.
6. Legs that no longer look like they belong on a pasty gray elephant.
7. Fresh air.
8. Not having to account for the texture, size and color of my poop.
9. No longer listening to the shrieking of women all day as they give birth. I swear there has been at least 12 porcupines delivered in this place since I have been hear. What else would cause such hysteria?
10. Being able to, in great detail, explain to my children what it means to truley be bored.