Tomorrow my Itty Bitty is turning one year old. I found myself feeling rather emotional today as I thought about what we were going through a year ago and how desperate I was to just get my baby girl in my arms safely.
For those of you who do not know me personally, you are more than likely not aware of our journey to get Itty Bitty here. I was a high risk pregnancy with her. Every day I was able to keep her growing inside me was a gift. In addition to the concern about carrying her I lost my mother and best friend to cancer as well as my paternal grandmother all within 5 weeks of each other while I was in my 5th and 6th months. This time became one of those “practice what you preach” moments. I always said I would do anything for my children. Well, I had to do everything I could to hang on to Itty Bitty during these months. I had to actively make the decision not to think about or grieve my losses so I would not raise my stress/anxiety level and endanger my daughter. This was especially difficult being on bed rest for 5 out of 9 months of pregnancy, when there is little to do but think...
But think I did. I thought about what her eyes would look like, what her laugh would sound like, her smell, I sat in the rocking chair in her room and talked and sang to her as we rocked together. The night before she was delivered I took a long bath and cried as I could not believe we had made it to 36 weeks. She was safe and she would be entering this world a healthy 6ish pound baby within 12 hours.
Tonight, exactly one year later, I took another long bath. This time with my baby girl laughing and splashing with me. She is everything, and more, I dreamt of during those long and difficult months. She is a snuggler and a lover. She has a belly laugh that would put any 200 pound man to shame. She will eat anything that isn’t nailed down, including her brothers toes. She has the longest eye lashes of any baby I have ever seen and is the biggest dare devil imaginable. She is insistent on keeping up with Rock Star at all cost, nothing is too scary or out of her realm of ability in her mind. I am so excited to watch her grow and become a woman, who I know is going to blow my freaking mind with her extraordinary accomplishments. She makes my heart sore every day, not just because her birth and life is a miracle, but because of who she is.
Happy Birthday my lovely Itty Bitty. Mommy loves you deeply, wildly and unconditionally forever.
Friday, November 13, 2009
I am a free spirit, growing in my creative desires. I write, read, sew, knit, craft and garden. I am striving to live a more natural life everyday for Mother Earth but mostly for the health and well being of my children. I am above all committed to my family, my hilarious husband and life partner of 15 years makes sure I laugh every day. We cloth diaper, babywear, share sleep, and generally live a child led existence. I am strongly against the idea that children must be socialized but believe vehemently in the idea that children need their parents close and always - until. Until they are ready to leave and explore. Lest you think my life is too tranquil and nothing but sitting and reading books while children play with handmade toys; I spend the better part of my days wiping noses and butts, cooking, cleaning, cooking and cleaning some more, figuring out where that (insert any bizarre item you can think of here) came from, and explaining why Mama needs a TO and nap. Above all, I am human. I fail myself and family everyday and every day I am committed to give tomorrow another shot. Because after all, tomorrow will provide another opportunity to smile and laugh!
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