Last night after a very fun and active afternoon and evening I did something I hate doing. I yelled. I mean I really yelled. It was one of those over-the-top emotional, exhausted and extremely immature reactions to something small. It was the kind of reaction and behavior that leaves me feeling guilty, ashamed, regretful and fearful. The worst part is Rock Star was the recipient.
But here is the good part. I shouted and rather than cry, retreat, run away from me or any other reaction of defeat he went toe to toe with me. He shouted right back; he told me I was being mean and needed to stop shouting, he told me I was being rude. He told me he didn’t like me.
About this time the phone rang and caller ID said it was the hubs. I told Rock Star to go talk to his dad. We each spoke to daddy for a couple of minutes which was just long enough for us both to regain our composure. I immediately told Rock Star we needed to talk and I apologized for my behavior. I apologized for shouting, for losing my temper, for trying to make him feel bad. I told him I was tired and a little overwhelmed and I made a really bad choice in how to deal with it. He too apologized for shouting and saying mean things, he then started laughing and told me I was acting like I was “cookoo in my coconut” from here we both started laughing at ourselves, each other and our ridiculous behavior.
As I was reflecting back on this later that night, I realized how proud and happy I was he fought back. It was affirmation he has self-worth and he knows right from wrong, even when it is an adult. He knew my behavior and reaction was out of line and he was not about to be victimized by it. He was right, he didn’t like me right then – and he shouldn’t have. I didn’t like myself! It makes me feel confident that as he goes farther into the world without his daddy and I always there he will know he has the right to stick up for himself, to never let anyone take their anger or inappropriate behavior out on him. He knows he deserves kindness and respect.
Perhaps the title of this post is wrong. The truth is he is not a fighter, he is kind and loving. He is thoughtful and insightful and he is conscientious of the needs and feeling of others. But he is angered by injustice, by people being hurt or taken advantage of. I love that he is driven to fight for what is right, for what he and others need and deserve. I don’t just love this child, I respect and admire him.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
My Little Fighter
I am a free spirit, growing in my creative desires. I write, read, sew, knit, craft and garden. I am striving to live a more natural life everyday for Mother Earth but mostly for the health and well being of my children. I am above all committed to my family, my hilarious husband and life partner of 15 years makes sure I laugh every day. We cloth diaper, babywear, share sleep, and generally live a child led existence. I am strongly against the idea that children must be socialized but believe vehemently in the idea that children need their parents close and always - until. Until they are ready to leave and explore. Lest you think my life is too tranquil and nothing but sitting and reading books while children play with handmade toys; I spend the better part of my days wiping noses and butts, cooking, cleaning, cooking and cleaning some more, figuring out where that (insert any bizarre item you can think of here) came from, and explaining why Mama needs a TO and nap. Above all, I am human. I fail myself and family everyday and every day I am committed to give tomorrow another shot. Because after all, tomorrow will provide another opportunity to smile and laugh!
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2 comments:
Oh, this is so beautiful and wonderful. I love that you are so honest. I wonder about this often ... whether I will lose it with Luna one day and begin to shout. I make a point of not shouting, but now and then Jeremy and I go at it. I am passionate, as he is, and Luna is too (she already has her passionate/angry faces, which I so love), so we'll see, but I'm working at balance.
Rock Star sounds like quite a person! I love that he said this, "cookoo in my coconut"! How funny.
We all need this fighting spirit now and then. I know I did growing up. I think it shows that, as you point out yourself, we have self-worth, that we believe in ourselves, that we love ourselves.
But for your to admit your fault and apologize ... that takes a different sort of courage, a humbled courage. I admire that.
I'm glad you came by. I look forward to reading some of your other posts :).
Juliana,
Thanks for visiting! You know I have learned that being okay with letting my children see me fail (even with them sometimes) and grow and learn from my mistakes is one of the best gifts I can give them. They will lose it sometimes in life and they need to know they are capable of recovering and making amends. I DO NOT view this as a free pass to be overbearing or hurtful to my children but rather as an opportunity for learning - for us all.
I think the only thing I am very careful with is ensuring my children never feel responsible for my (re)actions. I own my words and actions, regardless of what they are doing or saying. They do not make me angry, I choose to express myself in an inappropriate manner which is why I find a genuine and honest apology to be so critical.
Thanks again, it was fun to find you!
A.
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