Mental Diarrhea

My 4th grade teacher, Mr. Johnson, used to tell me (ALL THE TIME) that I suffered from verbal diarrhea. I always laughed. Well, I had to laugh because all the other 4th graders were laughing; really I was pissed and thought he was an idiot. But now I look back and realize although I have matured- somewhat-I really did have it and now I suffer from mental diarrhea.

So here are my random thoughts on this dreary Monday morning.

1. If you are not reading my cousins blog: http://nikkigsblog.wordpress.com/ get on it now. Well…finish reading mine first then go. She is freaking hilarious and no matter the day you are having she WILL make you smile. I have relied on her humor big time the last several days. I wish she would quit her day job and just blog all day, every day.

2. Again, I have had several shitty days and am feeling compelled to give a shout-out to a few of my loves who keep me going:

MamaDort – My Aunt who has always been my mama in the absence of my own. I wish she was wasn’t 12 hours away. I wish she would knock on my door every morning and make me go running with her. Eh..actually I wish she would come knock on my door and watch my kids while I shower and then have coffee with me while I sort coupons and she does my laundry.

Kate- My cousin and best friend, my life’s confidant and advisor. I trust her with the lives of my kids. It doesn’t get any bigger than that.

Nikki – My cousin mentioned above; she lights up a room, she is kind and loving and FUNNY AS HELL. She also wears ugly skirts. Also, I am not a fan of people telling me they will pray for me (another post for another day), except Nikki. I have this vision of God pouring a martini when he hears Nikki shouting at him.

My friends (JJ, Kellie, Amy, Jen, Stacey, Joey). You are all women I think of (even if we go days or weeks without having time to talk) and remind me of how lucky I am. I am inspired by each of you for different reasons and love you all dearly.

3. I will make chocolate chip cookies today. Best thing to do with a 4 year old on a cold, rainy day.

4. I am overwhelmed with Halloween costumes for the family this year. Rock Star thinks we should be the Incredibles. The day I walk through my neighborhood in head-to-toe spandex …yeah, lets just say NEVER gonna happen folks.

5. I had a hilarious dream last night about a wacky family member that is going to keep me laughing for days. I liked it because I used the *F* word in my dream with this person which really is a lifelong fantasy of mine.

6. Realizing number 5 on this list will not make my Grandmother happy. Well, at least it won’t be the first time my mouth has gotten me in trouble.

7. The Rock Star has started telling people he is a Democrat. I love it. Hubs…not so much. I overheard the hubs telling Itty Bitty some crazy right-wing bullshit while rocking her to sleep a few days ago. When I questioned him he told me I “wasn’t getting both of them.” We’ll see about that. Poor kid number 3.

8. I love my family doctor and his staff. So as I mentioned, several shitty days. Weeks actually. Super tired, not sleeping, weight gain…yada, yada, yada… Doc took me seriously even though chances are I am going coo-coo. Doing some blood work, made me feel like I would get better. Also in the heat of all this immunization overload, he supports my decisions were this is concerned. HUGE! I have been in love with my OBGYN for years. She got me through several terrible years of miscarriage and other female curses. What are the chances I would find a family doctor I like as much as her? I trust my kids with like 3 ½ people. I trust this doctor. Also, I am one of those nuts that have about 87 medical questions a week that his generous staff puts up with and never treats me like the loon I am.

9. If you have not watched Underdog with your kids. Do it. HILARIOUS. Okay, I actually slept through over half of it which may be why I feel so good about it. But the parts I did watch made me laugh out loud. Plus anything that gives Rock Star that deep belly laugh has my immediate vote. Even if it is butt humor.

10. Getting my first Tattoo this month. WOO-HOO. Very excited. Not telling the hubs. Now we will see if he really reads my blog.

11. The Rock Star told me yesterday (in a very loving and concerned tone) that something on me smelled like butt. No shit Sherlock. But here is what I want to know. How does HE know what “butt” smells like when I am the one in this house who does all of the butt cleaning? If you never have to deal with your own butt, or anyone else’s, how do you know what it smells like? Please.

12. Speaking of smells, I need to go take the trash out.

13. Just found the Rock Star in a sleeping bag without pants or underwear (apparently they were too hard to put back on after going pee...I swear, THIS I will never understand!) eating Hershey Kisses. Whatever, just give me a couple.

I really need to be putting this writing effort into the things that pay. ..