My Heart Knew

Eleven months ago I went to my OBGYN for an appointment for some issues, but mostly to discuss the possibility of having another baby. Based on severe damage to my uterus and a previous high-risk pregnancy I was told I would likely never get pregnant again and we needed to schedule a follow-up appointment to discuss a hysterectomy. I came home that day and wrote this:

My Spirit Baby

Today my heart broke for you.

Today I was told I may never hold you.

How is it I miss you so greatly and you do not exist outside my soul?

I know you are there; I feel it my mission to bring you home.

Faith seems to be my only option.

Faith I will hold on to.

Faith will be your vehicle.

  

Three weeks later I was back at my OBGYN and found out I was pregnant, and had been at the time of my previous appointment but it was just too early to tell. Today, 11 months later, I type this holding little Baby Zen in my arms.

A mama's heart always knows.

Always.

And just like that I was on my ass...

It was a snowy, icy day. However, I was inside, waiting for my lovely Keurig to finish brewing the perfect one-cup. While waiting I looked out the window from my kitchen sink at all snow and felt glad I was warm and cozy inside, aaaaand then I was on my ass. Literally. Just like that, I fell on my ass. Not fainted, no light-headedness, no weak knees, I just apparently forgot how to stay vertical. I blame the shoes, I’m living in these "magic" Sketchers Toning shoes these days, they are kind-a wedge-like. For the record, ass and thighs are still a mess, but my back feels GREAT!....well when I’m not tipped over laying on the floor.

So there I sat, disheveled, confused and laughing like a crazy woman. All I could think (after , “what the fuck just happened!?!?) was “what if someone saw all this?” I swear to god I need my own reality sitcom. Cheers!